Where does one even begin when writing about the trip of a lifetime? (My first iboga initiation into the Bwiti)

Let’s just say it’s been a long road of learning and humbling myself. Deep down, I always knew this day would come. I felt it in my soul. A calling that could never be ignored. A sense of purpose with a magnetic pull I couldn’t resist.

This journey began in the cosmos long before I ever manifested on this earth. But man, I sure took my sweet time figuring things out. It felt like I gave myself a few different lifetimes just to learn the basics. In those lives, I built up my ego — feeding it with negativity, delusions, and straight-up destructive behavior. All of it was unconscious, rooted in a deep lack of awareness.

I truly believed I was special. Not just unique — but above others. My intelligence was high, and I built part of my identity around that. I could manipulate people to do my will and I enjoyed the benefits. I thought I was clever. I thought I was God’s gift to humanity.

Funny enough, my name even says so — “Jesse” in the Bible means “God’s gift,” and my middle name is Michael, which means “he who is like God.” You see where this is going… God complex.

I had success with women, but I used them for pleasure. I chased sex like it was sport, just trying to bust a nut. I took pride in being a good lover, but it was all surface. There were moments I cared — maybe even deeply — but my relationship with intimacy was warped.

I had a love for nature early on. I was in the Boy Scouts until I was 13, but I quit because it didn’t fit the image I was trying to build. I chose popularity instead. It kind of worked. I started drinking and smoking weed. Then I moved towns and doubled down. I became the stoner, the partier, the kid with weed and a license and money. The identity grew. So did the addiction. Binge drinking turned into crack, cocaine, and eventually meth.

I cleaned up for a bit — five years off the hard stuff, with a few slips. I told myself moderation was key. But then came the spiral, darker and deeper than ever before. I hit the big one: heroin. That journey nearly killed me. It took almost ten years and countless attempts to crawl out. But I did.

April 1st, 2019 — the day I said goodbye to that life for good.

That’s when I stepped onto the medicine path. I began working with plant spirits, learning how to listen to that inner voice I had buried with toxic behaviors. And that same year, on December 13th, I started my Iboga journey.

FUCK. What a medicine.

Where had this been all my life? Suddenly, I had clarity. I had determination. I had self-love. I knew who I was and why I was here.

Bassé.

Okay, now we’re sort of caught up. Yes — I’m talking about Iboga. You’ll get used to it. This medicine performed surgery on me, deep and precise. Mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It was like a full-body chiropractic session for the soul.

But it still took work. I sat with the medicine several times that year. I worked with mushrooms too — my trusty allies. 2020 was the year I really owned it. I started my company, Psilocare, and aligned myself with God’s will. I became a servant to my fellow humans. I was blessed with abundance. People started coming to me for guidance. It felt right. Sharing my struggles, my story, my victories — it helped others reclaim their freedom too.

I still had my struggles with women, though. Sex is powerful. It’s sacred. And I’m still learning how to navigate those waters with integrity. Every day is part of that learning.

I sought the truth of my nature and found it in ancient teachings. I felt called to serve, just as my providers had served me. I wanted to offer this medicine to others who were lost like I had been. But the world had other plans. I was told to stay home.

And that was a blessing too.

I love cause and effect. I love watching how the universe always conspires in my favor — if I just surrender and flow. I am cosmic dust floating on the divine wind of the universal current. I accept that fully, anchored in faith and love.

And man, did it pay off.

My daughter came back into my life. I saw her more often. My business, though it had its struggles, opened bigger doors for me. Doors that led to financial freedom and greater purpose. Still, something was missing.

Ah yes — the reason I’m writing this.

AFRICA.

Fuck yes. I made it. My feet are on Mama Africa as I write this. I’m sitting in a temple. Around me are six incredible, compassionate, powerful, beautiful, loving warrior goddesses. They’re sleeping now, freshly initiated.

They did it. At least the first part. There’s more to come.

I finished my own initiation just two days ago. What a ride. And of course, Jesse had his ideas about how the healing would go. Gotta love his imagination. But he got humbled — knocked down a few pegs.

My initiation brought deep transformation. It showed me the judgment I still carried. My need to control the external. And how little medicine I truly needed to heal.

I have clarity again. Determination. Focus. My magic grows stronger each day. I have a plan. I have understanding. I have truth. And most of all, my self-love is even grander.

How blessed am I?

I thank the Eternal Spirit for guiding me here. I thank Mother Earth for holding me close. I thank Father Sun for his warm, loving kisses. I thank the spirit of water for flowing through me and around me. I thank the air for filling my lungs every day.

I will use what I have learned for the good of this world.

I will continue walking my path with love in my heart and fire in my spirit.

I am a conduit for the medicine. I thank the spirit of Iboga for calling me, for holding me, for teaching me, and for loving me.

Merci, Iboga